Anxiety, Suicide and Light
We now live in the world where the rate of suicide incidents are going up. All arrows point at mental health concerns. I concur. We cannot set aside the reality that mental health issues are arising. The standards of the society being depicted on all forms of media – most especially the most accessible form nowadays social media, are just so hard to fit in.
The human mind is hard to understand. Even I cannot understand the capabilities of my mind. The sudden shifts, the good and the bad, the conversations with my self and the capacity to keep thoughts away from other people so because it is enveloped in the fear of being judged.
I suffer from anxiety. There is happiness and there is over-the-moon kind of happiness. There is sadness and there is bury me under-the-ground kind of sadness. Let us pause for a while and acknowledge where we’re at right now.
Going through anxiety, I realized that the capacity of human mind can be endless yet limited. Indeed it is ironic. It is endless for possibilities. But it can also be endless also for worries. It becomes limited in coming up with plans and solutions when all these worries block the way of possibilites.
I wanted to end my life several instances. Mostly when I get my monthly period, when my hormones are messed up. Whenever I am reminded that I failed to conceive – again. Whenever I feel like life is unfair. There are parentless children on the streets, and I am a childless wife in a comfortable home.
Anxiety gets worse when you are alone. When you let your mind explore its deepest and darkest chambers. Anxiety gets worse when you give in to the temporary things to make you forget for a while – alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, eating, etc. Anxiety gets worse when you spend more time with your self than with your family, your friends and God.
Speaking of God. It is hard to believe in Him whenever you feel lost and alone. You always feel embittered and betrayed. So, start hiding from Him. You don’t go to church, you don’t enjoin your church community and just enjoy being alone.
But anxiety is just a phase. It can be long, it can be short. But what’s important is you let yourself go through it but never let yourself dwell on it. Your mental health is limited and its state will be limiting. But there is something in you that’s stronger that your mind. It is your spirit.
You spiritual health can heal all the mental and physical illnesses that you have. You don’t have to force yourself to go to the church or reconnect with your church community. If you want to face this battle alone, you can! Channel you energy, no matter how small on slowly reaching out to Him through his words.
Once you get the hang of it, start with your most trusted confidant whom you see as a “friend of God”. If you believe in the “six degrees of separation”, you are as close as getting to know God again through a common friend between you two.
I have a friend who who categorizes being “Okay” using three (3) descriptions.
Okay na Okay (Really Okay)
Okay (So-so Okay)
Okay lang (Okay but…)
I tried to understand and I realized that if we apply this concept in our daily lives, it will surely be helpful. I thought these categories were all positive. Yet, it acknowledged that behind all the positives, there are problems. And yet, it chooses to focus on what’s positive. On what we have than what we don’t.
The society has its rude way of showing us the standards and templates. It makes us envious, unworthy and lacking. But who says these are the only templates?
This might be an unpopular opinion and some people might find it corny but it will remain true and powerful.
God is the Way, the Truth and the Light. He is the Way for those who are lost. The Truth for those who don’t know who and what to believe in. And the Light for those who dwell in the darkness.
Everyone who receives God in their lives is capable of becoming a vessel of His light. And we all can conquer the bleakness of the human mind that affects our mental health with this Light.
Be a vessel of Light! Share this to those who might need it.
Thanks for sharing this. This is very true. My anxiety din ako and i feel sad all the time. Yung sadness na ibang klase. Mahirap iexplain.. If I share it with others, they think im crazy, im pretending or i dont have faith. They dont understand that my body literally is not producing any happy hormones. I thought of killing myself a lot of times , i almost did, but i realized im passing on the pain to someone else and i wanna be brave. I dont know how im doing it, but im still here fighting my battles one day at a time.. Not all people will understand. But its important that you asked for help. I mean proffesional help. I just hope we stop the stigma, na kung may psych baliw na. O na kapag sobrang lungkot, o.a. lang.
Virtual hugs to you my dear. I pray that you find comfort knowing that you are not alone. May you find light through your friends and in Christ. God bless you!